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Strategies for Creating a Positive Relationship <br />How to deal with Jen in Conflict Continued <br />■ Counter blaming statements by refocusing on the issue and what corrective action is going to be <br />taken <br />■ Resist any impulse to retaliate with blaming, attacking or sarcastic comments <br />■ Reduce your defensiveness when attacked and acknowledge any error on your part <br />• Use open-ended questions (how, what, where, when, who) to define the real issues in the situation <br />■ Ask her what it is that she really wants as an outcome <br />• Call a time-out if emotions escalate to high levels of aggression or hostility, scheduling a time to <br />continue the discussion <br />■ Conclude the discussion with a summary of what each person has committed to do to resolve the <br />conflict <br />• Jen tends to avoid open, direct conflict <br />• Acknowledge her discomfort in dealing with conflict by saying "I understand this may be <br />uncomfortable for you" <br />■ State the issue factually, without judgement about her as a person <br />■ Allow her to verbalize her feelings <br />• Respond to her feelings by saying "I understand you are angry (sad, mad, glad, scared)" <br />■ Acknowledge her feelings if she becomes blaming or personally attacking by saying "I understand <br />you are upset", and re -direct the discussion to the issue <br />■ Limit sidetracking in the discussion by acknowledging other issues that may need to be discussed <br />at another time, and immediately move back to the current Issue <br />■ State repeatedly that this conflict is about a specific issue not about her personally, as Jen tends to <br />fear loss of approval <br />■ Affirm her value to you and state the problem by saying, "I like you, and I'm upset with your <br />behavior" <br />■ Counter her attempts to minimize the problem by focusing on her actions and consequences to her <br />and others <br />■ Counter her attempts to placate you without solving the problem, by requiring a commitment from <br />her for specific actions <br />■ Direct the discussion to specific facts and actions rather than talking in generalities or emotional <br />expressions <br />• Close the discussion with a clear statement of what is going to happen by when, and affirm the <br />value of the discussion in maintaining a positive relationship with her <br />0 2004 by Inscape Publishing, Inc. and The Gary Little Company, Inc. Ail rights <br />reserved.Reproduction In any form, in wtiole or in part, is prohibited. <br />19 Jen VOIIeS 7 <br />